How can I recieve custody of a child but they not related to me?

There are two options that I see, neither one of which is an easy route. First, you could petition the probate court to become the girl's temporary (or full) legal guardian. The girl can join in the petition, stating her preference. The court would then set a hearing, appoint a guardian ad litem (an attorney), to investigate the facts and report back to the judge. The judge's typically prefer to have children placed with their biological parents, if that is not detrimental to the child, and they are not in an unsafe condition. So you may have an uphill battle, especially if the child's mother decides to fight you, which it sounds like she might.

Second, you can continue to provide a safe haven and a stable environment for the girl when the mother pushes her away. It sounds like this happens on a regular basis, and it also sounds like you are consistently there for her. In less than three years, the girl can make whatever decisions she likes, and at that point, the mother would not have anything to say about it. Obviously, this is less than ideal, and it would be difficult for you to continue to see the girl suffer from her mother's poor parenting.

You would need to continue to support the girl but not to badmouth her mother. The girl sees what is happening, but a major source of her identity is tied up in the mother. You will only damage the girl emotionally, and your relationship with her, as a result, if you try to undermine the mother. On the other hand, you do not need to condone poor behavior and poor choices. You can condemn the actions without condemning the person.

It is a very fine line you need to walk and a difficult balancing act. It sounds like you are the one person truly focused on the girl's needs and her best interests. That is the most important thing.

Best of luck to you!

James Frederick