You'll need to file a motion to modify the custody order with the Court. You should talk about the process with an attorney who is licensed to practice in California.
In the meantime, you should be sure to document all of the things you're talking about. I always advise people to avoid talking on the phone with their co-parents, if they're being difficult. Communicate by email instead: that way, you have a written record of everything everyone says. And because you're anticipating that someone like a judge will eventually be looking at that record, you should be as reasonable as possible. Always be scrupulously polite and honest, even if the other person is not. Remember, you're not really just writing to them; you're writing to the judge, for later. Custody cases end up as a sort of 'reasonableness contest' - your job is to appear more reasonable than the other guy. Avoid threats, name-calling, and accusations. Focus on your children and their needs. Don't let the other parent push you around, but don't react to their hostility in kind. Every rude or dishonest word that the other parent makes is a little gift to you, if it's done in a recordable way.
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It sounds like you should file a request to modify the current custody order. Whether or not you file in Ventura County or San Diego will depend on where the original court case was there or here (if there was a court case originally).
If there is a current order and you have joint legal custody it is standard for such an order to include a provision requiring the custodial parent to consult with the noncustodial parent about medical decisions (such as the doctors appointments you are talking about). Also, if there is a current order, it should indicate if the children are to be allowed phone contact with the noncustodial parent.
If there is a current order and it's a final order (some are and some aren't), then you may have to prove that there has been a "substantial change in circumstances" in order to modify the custodial arrangement. Has anything changed since the last custody order was made (if there is one)?
If you have any questions feel free to give me a call at 805-482-1170, I am near you in Camarillo, CA.
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