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Hesitant on divorce

Naperville, IL |
Filed under: Divorce

My wife and I have been married for 14 years and have 3 kids but lately she has raised the bar of intolerant behavior. There are many issues in the relationship but she is a paralegal and knows many lawyers and I am somewhat apprehensive since I am not sure what will happen. The last time I called a lawyer it somehow got back through her network and she called me about it so I am afraid I will loose my kids. Feeling a bit powerless and taking a lot of abuse but I am unsure what steps to take. Additionally I am the primary bread winner and play Mr mom as well but I am always discounted in front of everyone so it seems like I am the bad guy. I am not sure what direction to take and looking to see what my options might be. Any assistance would be helpful on planning my next steps.

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Attorney answers 6


You have probably gone this route before, but try marriage counseling. You can also try consulting with attorneys again. Believe it or not, your wife being a paralegal doesn't give her any edge. The first attorney should never have discussed you with others so Just make sure that whoever your speak with understands the nature of confidentiality and your hesitation to speak. Best wishes with whatever decision you ultimately make.

Although AVVO describes this site as providing free legal advice, it is really a simple Q&A forum. The volunteer attorneys provide general answers. No specific legal advice is given here and no attorney-client relationship is established. For precise direction and legal advice, please consult in person with an attorney in your geographic location. Be sure to bring all relevant paperwork with you.


When you discuss your matter with an attorney it MUST NOT be disclosed to anyone. It is completely confidential. That is how my law firm handles legal matters. If you want advice at no charge most firms will oblige. You need to know your rights.


Most attorneys in this forum will provide a no-cost initial consultation. You should know what your options are whether planning to make your marriage work or deciding to end it. Inaction may make either choice more difficult.

Judy A. Goldstein

Judy A. Goldstein


It is not necessarily true that "most" attorneys provide free initial consultations. It depends upon the policies of each lawyer or law firm, the nature of the inquiry, the area of law and many other factors. Free initial consultations are generally brief in duration, whereas many attorneys generally charge for longer, more in-depth consultations if the matter would not be one whch would be taken on a contingency basis.


Anything you tell an attorney is privileged and should not be disclosed by the attorney to anyone else. I would recommend talking to some more attorneys and getting some advice in person on how to proceed in the event you want a divorce.


As a practical (non-legal) matter, you may also want to insure that your wife isn't going through your cell phone, seeing who you've called or texted, that may be how she found out you consulted with an attorney. Also, don't leave papers anywhere she can find them, and if you're using a shared family computer, be careful of what you do on it, since spyware or keylogger software is pretty common these days. I suggest to many of my clients that they change their passwords to their cell phones and their e-mail leading up, and during, their divorce. It's also not a bad idea to get your own laptop, that you don't share with her.


Don't bother with marriage counseling - your the one that needs it first. If you're even considering a divorce, you'll need to find a happy place where you don't care what other's think of you. Once, your there, you'll be able to approach the issues more objectively. Your lawyer, will need that from you; otherwise your case will be nightmarish.

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