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Do i have to give my daughters father make up time?

Babylon, NY |

My daughters father has been asking to switch his court ordered days because of eork. the last few weeks and have changed my plans several times to accomodate him. Again he said his boss didnt give him his visitation days off and asked to make up time for four days in a row I told him we have plans that i did not want to change. He told me i have to make up his hours for the week no matter what. Is this true? I have sole custody and he has visitation days both court ordered.

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Attorney answers 5

Posted

Not unless the existing visitation order contemplates the situation where your daughter's father's work schedule is flexible and you are required to allow for rescheduling and "make up" time. I would expect that if the visitation order is silent on the need for "flexibility" because of the NCP's claimed work conflicts, if he misses scheduled visitation, tough noogies, there's no "make up" requirement.

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Asker

Posted

Its a basic short and quick he has visitation tue thurs 5-8 and 9-5 every other sat. Thats it. Thank you

Posted

If the court order requires you to give him make up time, then you must. If he is having problems with the current schedule then perhaps you should either see a mediator or go back to court to modify the visitation so that it is workable for both of you.
Best Regards,
Morghan Leia Richardson, Esq.
Richardson Legal PLLC
31-08 Broadway, Suite 204
Astoria, New York 11106
www.RichardsonLegalPLLC.com
Tel: 212-537-6744
Fax: 212-574-3337

Posted

Unfortunately for your daughter's father (but fortunately for you), he is entirely incorrect. If the court order states that make-up time is required then obviously you must abide by it. If the order is silent about make-up time, you have no obligation to provide any make-up time.

It is always advisable to contact an attorney. For a consultation, please contact my office at 516-669-3295. We are located in West Babylon, NY and proudly offer very low rates and free consultations. <a href="http://www.LouisLSternbergLaw.com">Please visit us on the web.</a>

Posted

Are you REQUIRED to arrange make-up time? Not unless court-ordered to do so. However, let me explain why you WANT to be flexible and reasonable. Children are not old chairs to be moved back and forth on a schedule. They are human beings with feelings and preferences and needs. They come complete with an on-board compass, a sense of fairness about relationships with parents. They deserve to be allowed to freely love both and to have the ongoing contact that nurtures the relationship with both. The most loving thing a parent can do for a child is facilitate a healthy relationship with the other parent. Yes, facilitate. Because it is best for your child and because your child expects nothing less. Here is the long-range view: what is at stake is the future adult-adult relationship you will want to count on with your child. But a child who views one parent as interfering with their relationship with the other comes to adulthood with resentments and a deep-seated need to right that wrong. This is not the same as saying father has total control of the visitation schedule; it means his requests for alternate times due to his work schedule should not be unreasonably denied, nor should "other plans" suddenly occur that make his request inconvenient.

Best wishes for an outcome that honors your childs interests in a warm and loving relationship with both parents, and please remember to designate a best answer.

This answer is offered as a public service for general information only and may not be relied upon as legal advice.

Asker

Posted

I have bent over backwards to accomodate this man with whom i have an OOP for multiple acts of domestic violence against me in front of the child, i make sure she is always ready at pick up time although he continually brings her back 15 to 45 minutes late and continues to harass me thru text messages and facebook. Because i am trying to do the right thing. My plans dont just crop up. I make them around his visitation. I have to make my daughter go with her father because she cries ( shes 4) that she dont want to. Yet he constantly tries to intimidate and control me by insinuating i " have to" change and accomodate him or in a few weeks it will all be reversed.

Jack Richard Lebowitz

Jack Richard Lebowitz

Posted

Paula, I agree with your comment about facilitating relationships and Ms. Richardson's about possible mediation, but I wonder how practical this is in a world of busy schedules and the need for some certainty about visitation schedules. I realize a lot of employers these days feel that work is everyone's #1 priority and that people must work overtime or change schedules at the whim of the boss, but I wonder if Dad should just suck it up here and say "no" to the boss I have to be with my family tonight...that seems like the easiest "occam's razor" solution to this whole dilemma before involving mediators, courts, attorneys and mom for that matter. My 0.02.

Paula Brown Sinclair

Paula Brown Sinclair

Posted

Nothing, Mr. Lebowitz, seems ever certain in custodial schedules. I wrote at length to bring focus to a point of view that emphasizes meeting the needs of the child. When all of the adults involved overcome their seof-centeredness and do that, asking "do I really have to . . . .?" is a question that doesn't need to be asked.

Jack Richard Lebowitz

Jack Richard Lebowitz

Posted

True, that....too bad courts and lawyers have to be involved in these situations in the first place were it so easy for everyone to "do the right thing"

Jack Richard Lebowitz

Jack Richard Lebowitz

Posted

I think "do I have to?" pushed your buttons, while "his boss didnt give him his visitation days off" pushed mine. Perhaps I'm being harsh about the choices people have to make in the workplace where they're being treated like cogs as far as scheduling goes, but perhaps dad needs to stand up to his boss or find a new job.

Paula Brown Sinclair

Paula Brown Sinclair

Posted

You are probably correct, Mr. Lebowitz. The more I read about this situation, the more I am convinced that both parents need professional support to learn how to make parenting apart work for the child. As a trained mediator, I see obvious solutions, but that is because I want to see solutions. That may not be what either of these parents really wants. They are too busy blaming and using the child to salve their own hurts. This is painfully common. It does not help, of course, that the law is powerless to cause anyone to be civil, much less kind, to another and it is short-sighted for attorneys to be too quick to answer that "you don't have to do anything not ordered."

Asker

Posted

I am not using my child. The question "do I have to" was strictly a legal one. I am over the physical abuse and have moved on for the sake of my daughter. She is 4 and will hopefully forget what she has heard and seen. Unfortunately he is still telling me "you have to" and "you can't" and says i have to stay with my daughter 24-7 or he will take her away, and he must always know where she is so he texts me 25 times a day. I give her to him on birthdays and family events and change my schedule to accommodate his work. Also, he started this job 2 1/2 months ago knowing the visitation schedule

Posted

Unless the custody order indicates that you must give him make up days if he misses his parenting time for work related reasons, you do not have to accomodate his work schedule. I would recommend working with him, if you can otherwise, he always has the option of filing a modification petition to change his parenting days to accomodate his work schedule.

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