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Can I still contact my wife if I have not been served, despite her lawyer's demands otherwise?

Seattle, WA |

My wife broke off contact last week and directed me to talk to her lawyer. As far as I know, no dissolution papers or any other court orders have been filed. I have not been served with anything. In the mean time, I have sent my wife two emails asking to see our children. I knew she would ignore/refuse, but I wanted to have documentation that I am trying to see the children (ie, not 'abandoning' them). Her lawyer is telling me not to have contact with my wife. I replied that without a court order, I am not barred from contacting her (or our 3 children). Am I right? I certainly have not been threatening or harassing in my communications.

Thank you.

Attorney Answers 3

  1. Best answer

    Instead of continuing actions that seems to be futile at best (she is not letting you see your kids) and could really backfire at worst (your wife claiming harassment or feeling threatened--whether or not you feel you are coming across this way--may prompt her attorney to file a restraining order that might keep you from seeing your kids by court order), why not be proactive? You can file for dissolution and request temporary orders, including a parenting plan that reflects the status quo for what parenting arrangements have been instead of whatever is happening in the immediate conflict. Without a court order you are not prohibited from contacting her, but without a court order she has no obligation to provide you with parenting time, so continuing to ask her when she has told you not to doesn't seem like it will bring about any positive result for you. Talk with an attorney as soon as possible, but you can also start the process on your own if necessary.

    Avvo answers are attorney opinions offered for informational purposes only, and should not be relied upon as legal advice. Use of the Avvo Q&A forum does not create any attorney-client relationship.

  2. I agree with the previous attorney's response. I would just add that I have seen criminal charges being filed by the prosecutor when a person repeatedly attempts to contact his/her estranged spouse by telephone. There can be constitutional defenses to some harassment charges, but if somebody tells you that they do not want to talk to you--and yet you keep on calling or attempting to contact them--then you could be charged with a crime. Note that being charged is different from being convicted, but what you are describing gets you into a grey area at least.

    Here is a link to the Seattle City Code to the following:


    Telephone harassment:

    And here is a link to the State code for


    None of these statutes require a court order prior to a criminal charge being filed, and in some cases, they do not require an actual threat. "Harassment" can be just the act of repeated, unwanted contact. Be careful.

    You should contact an attorney to assist in resolving the issues.

  3. If it is true that no court order is entered, you probably are not breaking any law by contacting your wife. However, you do run a risk that (a) an order has been entered, and (b) law enforcement may take aggressive action even though the order has not been served. In addition, if the attorney says that you were notified informally, in certain circumstances you might be held in contempt or worse. Finally, if you continue to contact her she and her attorney may use that contact to claim harassment or stalking and get a no contact order. Bottom line: see an attorney before you get yourself into trouble. See my AVVO Legal Guides on divorce, domestic violence, harassment and contempt for more information about the legal issues raised by your inquiry. To find my Legal Guides, go the AVVO website at; click on “Find a Lawyer”; get to my AVVO home page by clicking on my name or photo; when you get to my AVVO home page scroll down to "Contributions" and then click "Legal Guides." You will get a list of the 29 Legal Guides I have published on AVVO. Scroll down this list and select the topics that are relevant to your question. You may also want to schedule a free ½ hour consultation with me by calling my office at 253-815-8440.

    This AVVO Answer is provided for general educational purposes only. By using or participating in this site you agree and understand that there is no attorney client relationship between you and the attorney responding, and no attorney-client confidentiality. The law changes frequently, and varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. The information provided in this Answer is general in nature and may not apply to the factual circumstances described in your question. The applicable law and the appropriate answer may be different in the State or States where the relevant facts occurred. For a definitive answer you should seek legal advice from an attorney who (1) is licensed to practice in the state which has jurisdiction; (2) has experience in the area of law you are asking about, and (3) has been retained as your attorney for representation or consultation. Your question and the attorney’s answer may be used for promotional or educational purposes

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