My daughter was sexually (proven) and mentally abused by my ex-husband for years following our divorce and he abused me in every possible way as well during the marriage.
Now he doesn't pay for her any longer and has never paid for her activities or health since the divorce. We don't even know where he lives any longer, but he might even live out of the country. Can I contact his sisters and aunts with questions about his whereabouts and his job and tell about the sexual abuse or can I get in trouble doing so? I would of course just state the facts and nothing else. I don't want my daughter to feel like she has done something wrong to not have her fathers family in her life any longer. They all cut off all contact with us and I can just imagine the lies he has told to be able to do so.
I always advise my clients and even my friends about what the best possible outcome could be about taking an action and if there is no positive to simply not do it.
I doubt that you ex-husband's family will ever believe that he was sexually and mentally abusive of my your daughter, as well as abusive of you. So, it id doubtful that your letter will convince them otherwise. I completely understand your desire to want them to see the "truth" of what he has done. But, people are likely to be in a deep state of denial, especially about a family member. You can definitely try. However, understand that your letter will likely not be received and acknowledged for its true intent. They will get angry and upset. They might even file for a restraining order against you for harassment. I have seen this happen before. You can contact them in order to find out his whereabouts to get him to pay child support. However, they will likely not be forthcoming after hearing about the abuse. They have already cut off contact with you, so they have already taken sides. The best way to make sure that your daughter does not think that she did anything wrong is to get her into a good cognitive behavioral therapist. Good luck
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Divorce / Separation Lawyer
The key question is what you hope to accomplish by contact your ex-husband's family and telling them "the truth." If you are seeking to establish his whereabouts, just contact them and ask if they can assist in helping you locate him. When there has been a major event such as sexual abuse, I sometime advise clients to work through an intermediary when attempting to reestablish contact with an ex spouse's family. I would also caution that there is some research suggesting that sexual abuse of a child by an adult often occurs when the abusing adult was himself or herself a victim of abuse as a child. Even though it sounds like your daughter may be nearing adulthood, be cautious about encouraging a relationship with the family that may have helped create a sexual abuser.
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