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Can a restraining order case mandate anger management or similar course for the abusive spouse?

San Jose, CA |

I have been with other women and had an episode of HPV warts. Upon doctors recommendation I have confessed to my wife of my wrong doing and asked her to have pap smear test frequently. This happened in January 2012. Her verbal and physical abuse started after this (although she was verbally abusive before). Her latest pap smear found pre-cancerous cells in her cervix and the abuse worsened. Now I am emotionally, verbally, physically abused. Isolated from family, she does not even hesitate to hit me without reason in front of children, verbally abuse me in front of her family, isolated me and my children from my side of the family, make me pay all the bils, house mortgage, everything except child care , piano lesson and math tutoring for the children which she pays.

Attorney Answers 2


  1. Best answer

    If you wish to stay married, a restraining order will not be the most helpful thing to do.

    On the other hand, one has to wonder why you would want to stay with someone who abuses you verbally, physically, and emotionally without restraint. And her behavior is not modeling good conduct for your children. If they don't start hitting you, they will certainly grow contemptuous of you if you allow this to go on.

    They may also learn to be abusive to their partners as they grow up.

    To answer your question, yes, the court can order abusers to go to batterer's intervention.

    You could also try to get your wife to go to marriage counseling with you. She will most likely say that *you* are the one who needs counseling, but her inability to move on from her pain - and her lack of self control - suggest otherwise.

    Legal disclaimer: The response given is not intended to create, nor does it create an ongoing duty to respond to questions. The response does not form an attorney-client relationship, nor is it intended to be anything other than the educated opinion of the author. It should not be relied upon as legal advice. The response given is based upon the limited facts provided by the person asking the question. To the extent additional or different facts exist, the response might possibly change. Attorney is licensed to practice law only in the State of California. Responses are based solely on California law unless stated otherwise.


  2. By and large, yes. In a criminal case it could be in lieu of fines and or jail time. In a civil case it certainly could be condition of you being able to see your wife and children. In any event I would not ignore the order.

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