Asked 11 months ago - Tewksbury, MA
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My next door neighbor is 82 years of age, lives in her own home and has a moderate pension. For the past several years her grandson has lived with her. He is a recovering drug addict doing fairly well, but still has some adjustment problems and is seeing a counselor. He works full-time, but does not contribute anything to household.
A couple of years ago the grandson’s girlfriend moved in with them. She is also a recovering drug addict, but also has some mental health issues (bi-polar, anxiety, etc.). She is not getting any help for her mental health problems, does not work, and does not contribute in any way to the household (no cleaning, laundry, cooking).
Both the grandson and his girlfriend seem to love chaos, the house is a mess and my neighbor can not keep up with the cleaning. She is the only one who cleans the house, does dishes, cooks or does laundry. She is now ashamed of the way the house looks and no longer will have guests over. She spends most of her time in her own bedroom because the girlfriend objects to her company in the rest of the house.
The girlfriend often becomes verbally abusive to both my neighbor and her grandson, yelling and screaming at them – often late into the night.
Is this verbal abuse? Economic exploitation? What will happen if I call the elder abuse hotline? I know my neighbor would accept help (needs help), but will have nothing to do with the police or anything that jeopardizes her grandson.
Yes, what is going on is considered elder abuse and could potentially escalate into a dangerous situation. The problem is whether, when push comes to shove, will the neighbor actually evict her grandson or accept someone else doing that work for her. If your neighbor is competent, she has the right to refuse help and there won't be anything more that can be done unless things get really bad.
From what your describing, I'm not sure she'll take the help when it is given. Can you reach out to the neighbor, invite her over for a cup of coffee, tell her how worried you are for her well-being, and suggest that you call your local elder services office or Council on Aging social worker together? That might be the most effective way of getting her to accept the help she needs.
You certainly can call Elder Protective Services and file a report -- make sure to describe EVERYTHING that is going on and stress how much the situation has deteriorated. The problem is that EPS is badly underfunded and understaffed, and might not actually open a case because there has been no physical violence (that you know of).
If you hear yelling late at night, call the police, explain what's been going on and ask for a well-being check. The police are mandated reporters and must file a report with Elder Protective Services if they see indications of abuse or neglect. They can also make an arrest if the situation warrants. (Yes, I know she doesn't want to involve them, but sometimes an intervention is needed.)
Good luck.
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