Are there penalties to skipping family court

You can motion the court to 1) bar him from further motions for abusing the system, 2) petition the court to allow you to appear by telephone (explaining the multiple times you have had to come to court and the ex has not appeared.) The court is moved by facts. A recitation of the motions he filed, the date, and the time and place of the prior required court appearances with the statement ("Moving party did not appear.") may induce the court to bar him from misusing the legal practice. Another way is to ask the court to have him brought into court under a bench warrant arrest the next time he makes a motion could also work. Good luck.
On my profile there are several legal guides. I recommend reviewing the following which may be helpful to you:


Hiring a lawyer; Is it Legal? Is it Illegal?...Understanding the different court systems;
Legal terms used in litigation………………………………………………………..


Divorce in General and How It's Handled in New Jersey
LEGAL DISCLAIMER…………………………………………………………………..
Mr. Sarno is licensed to practice law in NJ and NY. His response here is not legal advice and does not create an attorney/ client relationship. The response is in the form of legal education and is intended to provide general information about the matter in question. Many times the questioner may leave out details which would make the reply unsuitable. Mr. Sarno strongly advises the questioner to confer with an attorney in their own state to acquire more information about this issue.