A: Brad’s answer: Thank you for reaching out with your question. I understand that this is a difficult time, and it's wise to be proactive and understand your options. Based on the limited information you've provided, here are some general thoughts on how you might approach this situation under New Jersey law.
First, it's important to understand the concept of "self-protection" in a potential divorce. This isn't about hiding assets or engaging in deceptive practices. Instead, it's about gaining a clear picture of your financial situation and ensuring you are prepared for the legal process.
Here are a few key areas to consider:
Financial Inventory: The first step is to get a complete and accurate understanding of your marital finances. You should gather and organize important documents, including:
Bank and investment statements (checking, savings, 401k, IRAs, etc.)
Tax returns (for at least the last three years)
Deeds to your home and any other real estate
Vehicle titles
Credit card statements and loan documents
Your and your spouse's most recent pay stubs
Any life insurance policies or estate planning documents
Having this information readily available will be crucial for your attorney to assess your situation and will save you time and money in the long run. Since you've been married for 35 years and own a home together, a key component of your divorce will be the equitable distribution of your marital assets, which will require a full accounting of all property acquired during the marriage.
Understanding Marital vs. Separate Property: In New Jersey, property acquired during the marriage is generally considered "marital property" and is subject to equitable distribution. Since you've been married for 35 years, most of what you and your wife own is likely to be considered marital property. While you may have some separate property (e.g., an inheritance you received in your name alone and kept separate), the general rule is that everything is on the table for division.
Alimony: With a long-term marriage of 35 years, alimony is a significant consideration. New Jersey law recognizes that one spouse may be entitled to financial support from the other, particularly after a marriage of this duration. The court considers various factors when determining alimony, including the length of the marriage, the age and health of each party, their earning capacities, and their financial needs.
Hiring an Attorney: You asked whether you should have an attorney "on retainer." Generally, an attorney "on retainer" means you pay a fee to secure their services for a specified period or purpose. In a divorce context, this is less common. More typically, you would hire a lawyer to represent you in the divorce process itself, which involves paying an initial retainer fee that is then drawn down as the attorney performs work on your case.
Even if you are not yet certain about a divorce, consulting with an attorney is an excellent idea. A consultation allows you to discuss the specifics of your situation confidentially, understand your legal rights and obligations, and learn about the divorce process in New Jersey. An attorney can provide you with a roadmap, which can help you make informed decisions moving forward, whether that's pursuing a divorce or exploring other options like mediation. This initial consultation does not obligate you to move forward with a divorce or to hire that specific attorney.
In summary, protecting yourself means being informed and prepared. Start by gathering your financial documents and consider scheduling a confidential consultation with a qualified New Jersey family law attorney to discuss your specific circumstances.
Disclaimer: Please be advised that the information provided here is for informational purposes only and is based solely on the limited facts you have presented. It is not, and cannot be considered, legal advice. This response is based on New Jersey law and does not create an attorney-client relationship. The information provid

A: Brad’s answer: In New Jersey, it is common practice for mediators to draft a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) rather than the final agreement. The MOU outlines the terms agreed upon during mediation. Typically, each party's attorney will then draft the formal settlement agreement based on the MOU .
In your case, the mediator's statement aligns with standard practice. The ex-husband's lawyer drafting the agreement is typical if the ex-wife does not have legal representation. However, this can raise concerns about fairness and impartiality. It is advisable for the ex-wife to seek her own legal counsel to review the drafted agreement to ensure her interests are adequately protected.
If neither party has a lawyer during mediation, the mediator may still draft the MOU, but it is highly recommended that both parties consult with attorneys to draft and review the final agreement before submission to the court..
Disclaimer: This response is based on the limited facts provided and New Jersey law. It does not create an attorney-client relationship and should not be relied upon as legal advice. The advice may change if different or additional facts are presented. For personalized legal assistance, please consult a qualified attorney.
I hope this helps clarify the process! If you have any more questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask.

A: Brad’s answer: In New Jersey, it is common practice for mediators to draft a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) rather than the final agreement. The MOU outlines the terms agreed upon during mediation. Typically, each party's attorney will then draft the formal settlement agreement based on the MOU .
In your case, the mediator's statement aligns with standard practice. The ex-husband's lawyer drafting the agreement is typical if the ex-wife does not have legal representation. However, this can raise concerns about fairness and impartiality. It is advisable for the ex-wife to seek her own legal counsel to review the drafted agreement to ensure her interests are adequately protected.
If neither party has a lawyer during mediation, the mediator may still draft the MOU, but it is highly recommended that both parties consult with attorneys to draft and review the final agreement before submission to the court.
Disclaimer: This response is based on the limited facts provided and New Jersey law. It does not create an attorney-client relationship and should not be relied upon as legal advice. The advice may change if different or additional facts are presented. For personalized legal assistance, please consult a qualified attorney.
I hope this helps clarify the process! If you have any more questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask.