She can waive her share of your retirement but in order to make the agreement safe from later set aside, she should know the true or actuarial value of the community portion of the retirement accounts , before waiving it.
I practice in Modesto. If you want to move the children from Modesto over the father's objection it will require hiring an attorney and paying for a move away evaluation. This will be a very costly process and most likeky you'll need a stronger set of facts and reasons to succeed. Call me at 1-888- ITSOVER to discuss
If DCSS knows where the obligor lives you can file a RFO asking the judge to either order that DCSS provides the address to you for the purpose of service or that they serve the Request for a Post Judgment income and Expense Declaration on your behalf.
If there is already a custody order in place it won't be affected by whether a response is filed or not, unless the judge set the custody issue for s review hearing. Most possibly the judge is referring to a response to the petition filed by you. If a response is filed each county has a different procedure how to proceed. Google your county's local family law rules. If no response is filed you may proceed by way of default. In either case hire a family law attorney or, if you cannot afford one,...