You need to file for child support in addition to child custody. With an order in place the legal system will be able to put pressure on him to pay support on a regular basis. A lawyer will be able to help you through this process.
Spousal support is determined on a case by case basis. Being married for 34 years and having never worked are two good facts to support a spousal maintenance request.
Separately, retirement accounts are generally considered a marital asset and subject to fair and equitable division in a divorce.
These are both big issues. I strongly suggest retaining the services of a local divorce lawyer to make sure you get what you're entitled to.
Once the divorce process is started via service she may not remove your from insurance. Prior to the divorce she may, although you could try to argue that she put it back on if she did it in contemplation of an upcoming divorce.
This is interesting. A lawyer would likely need to review the facts closely. If the income is at regular intervals and dependable, it may be considered income for the purpose of child support calculations.
You could attempt a harassment restraining order to try to get her to stop the monitoring behavior. If you feel your son is being endangered or neglected you could motion to modify custody or in the most extreme contact child protective services.
It sounds like this is a classic "marital vs. non-marital property" issue. It will be fact-intensive and does not really lend itself to a quick answer. The entire property situation would need to be thoroughly reviewed and it's possible even after the review some of the points of contention may still be arguable.
Child care expenses are based on real expenses, so if your child will not be attending child care, he will get to eliminate that part of the payment. However, if you're the custodial parent and you believe your child will continue to need child care during your time, he does not get to unilaterally say "the child doesn't need child care so I'm not paying," If his income has materially changed since the previous support order, it may be grounds for a downward modification as well. If it has...
If you're talking a safety plan as part of a juvenile proceeding, I'm not aware a judge can force a signature. That said, the threat of permanent termination of parental rights is looming in the background if the parent does not comply with the safety plan. That's a powerful motivator even if it technically doesn't force a signature. Mother should get an attorney to help her if she doesn't appreciate this risk.
You likely will need a lawyer to review the documents to see exactly what the court restricted and on what basis. If you need permission to move out of state with your children from the court, you would need to start a separate proceeding by motion.