If you want to claim your son, you need to take him back to court and have the court change its order. If you don't follow the court order, you can be found in contempt of court and will make it harder in the future to change anything else if the court doesn't trust you to follow its orders. The court can also put sanctions on you for not following its orders up to six months in jail.
it is not unusual to try to settle at any stage...sometimes you can get a better settlement for a confidentiality agreement which is harder to do after the eeoc has been activated. that being said if you don't have confidence in your attorney, you can talk to other attorney and find someone you feel more confident about.
first, if bio dad is on SSDI, you should be getting a payment from the government based on his benefits.
Second, you could file for an involuntary termination of parental rights based on his failure to accept parental responsibility along with a step parent adoption petition.
As for the move, give notice of your intent to move and then he needs to object, if he doesn't you can move. If you need him to sign for a passport, then you will need to file a motion to allow you to get one.
you have two choices. 1) file a motion to modify his placement, ask for supervised ect (which is the proper way to do it) or 2) Refuse to let her go, wait for him to file a motion for contempt and be ready to tell the court why your behavior was in your child's best interest.