You need to contact a local divorce attorney about your situation. I practice divorce law in Wisconsin and here it is possible to get a divorce under the circumstances you describe. There are special legal steps that must be taken to protect the rights of the spouse in a situation like you describe in Wisconsin but divorce is possible here.
The best thing you can do now is check with your husband's lawyer. I understand you don't want to spend any more money, but the only way I can think of to know for sure is to speak with the attorney who was handling the divorce. For a small amount of money you will be getting an answer that you can rely on.
Please check with an attorney in your county who can give you advice specific to your situation and state law. I can tell you that in Wisconsin there are ways to get a divorce even if you don't have a current address for your spouse. Unfortunately, because I don't practice in your state, I don't know specifics for you but a local divorce attorney will be able to intelligently discuss your options with you.
I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. I suggest you ask your husband to discuss this issue with the help of a therapist or mediator. It is important that you and your spouse try to work out an agreement that makes sense for all concerned, especially your children.
While you try to work a reasonable plan and certainly before you even think about moving out, you should meet with an experienced divorce lawyer in your community. You need legal advise to protect yourself and your children.
Under the circumstances you describe in your question, I suggest you get advice from a local attorney concerning the potential benefits of a pre-marital agreement.
The cost of a pre-marital agreement is minor compared to the potential risk you are describing. At least speak with an attorney and ask about the cost of a pre-marital agreement.
It is unfortunate that your dissolution agreement was not more specific. If you and your former spouse cannot on agree on what the terms of the dissolution agreement mean, your only choice may be to go back to court to have the provision clarified. You should seek the advice of a local divorce attorney to help you with what is an important question and one with far reaching financial consequences.
You are facing life changing decisions You need to talk with someone you trust and consider getting counseling or therapy before making these decisions. I don't know what you are asking the cost of.
You will have to speak with a recruiter to get the details of what it takes to enter the military as a single parent.