You should consult with an immigration attorney before filing for any immigration benefit. Your husband may file an immediate relative petition for you as soon as he becomes a citizen and the process will depend on the jurisdiction. Here in upstate NY, it will approximately will take 4-5 months. This estimate assumes petition has no other eligibilty/ inadmissibility issues, and it is documentarily complete. It is in your best interest to consult with a lawyer and have him/her evaluate your...
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No need to withdraw your N-400, the tickets you mentioned doesn't effect your eligibility for Naturalization unless there are other more serious issues such as DWI, etc.
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If you didn't marry before he turned 18, your husband cannot file for him.
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I agree with Mr. Ferrari, You should not be obligated to stay in an abusive relationship because of your immigration status. Immigration Laws won't force you to stay married as long as you can prove that your marriage was bona fide at the time of its inception. Seek assistance from an experienced lawyer or if you can't afford one go to your local legal aid organization.
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You should check with your local office. They routinely reschedule upon request.
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You can check your registry status from below link https://www.sss.gov/RegVer/wfVerification.aspx
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If she files an immediate relative petition (I-130) on behalf of you before she becomes a U.S. Citizen you must maintain your legal status. If you are out of status and she is still a permanent resident by the time of your priority date you may not be able to adjust. She should file her naturalization application as soon as she becomes eligible.
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Don't file a petition before you are legally married. Your first marriage was not valid. Get married again. You can include the copy of the death certificate with your petition at that time.
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What is your immigration status?
The manner of your husband's makes a big difference in terms of his eligibility to adjust status. You should consult with an immigration attorney to evaluate the possibility of all inadmisibility issues before you file any application. He may or may not be eligible to adjust status here in U.S. depending on his manner of entry, you may need to file for a waiver application. This issue is to important to rely on online advice. Consult with an experienced attorney.