Birth parents have a superior right to custody than all others. If there is some other person that you want to have custody of your child, make sure that that person (or people) are in the child's life in a VERY significant way starting right now. Document every aspect of their role in your child's life - keep journals, photographs, etc. Additionally, go to an attorney to draft an affidavit fully discussing your wishes. The affidavit may not be of any value but some judge may be interested...
The wife can file for divorce and proceed with or without the husband's appearance. The wife must ensure that the husband is properly served and that the process server completes an affidavit of service.
Any child born during the marriage is presumed to be a child of the husband. You can (and certainly should) demand a paternity test at the first court appearance.
Be very careful in litigating such a support and paternity case. One small misstep may result in you being liable for child support for the next 21 years.