Was there a will? Was there money/value in the estate? Did you have a pre-nup? Generally you can not be cut out of an estate as a spouse, so you may have some recourse here. Answering some of these questions would be helpful.
You or your son should get a copy of the will and maybe go through the courts to get it probated if it's not already. I suggest having an attorney help you with this. As for the abandonment of property, have an attorney look at the documents - otherwise it's too speculative.
You should take a look at the contract you signed when you purchased/traded in. Normally the dealership would pay off your old car as a trade in. Did they take the car? Did they then re-sell it? If so and if they did not pay off the vehicle in violation of the contract, you may have cause for a lawsuit against the dealership. The bank financing the original car will not help you - they just want the payments made. The fact that they may have been closed since Sandy does not necessarily mean...
Each attorney may do it differently, so you should have the attorney make clear how expenses are treated and what constitutes a valid expense. And yes any attorney should give you an itemized accounting when asked - that is my policy anyway.
I would expect you should be able to find an attorney to do this. I am a little confused - you say the personal injury case is open, but your current attorney has not filed suit? So how is there a case?
There are a good number of attorneys who will take a look at your case with a free consult and if it looks good will do this on a contingent basis. Click the contact attorney button to reach out to the attorney of your choice.