Denny Crane

Despite my age, declining memory, and the fact that my "penis only works on medication," I still show flashes of the brilliance that made me a living legend, and I am as committed as ever to my hobbies: fishing, drinking Scotch, smoking cigars, operating firearms, evading jail time, and of course, wooing women. My past paramours include multiple ex-wives, a dwarf and her mother, a woman with a peg leg, a Barbra Streisand impersonator, and my one true love: Shirley Schmidt.

Denny's expertise and skill in media manipulation, as well as his reputation, have made him the public face of Crane, Poole & Schmidt. His aggressive personality, massive ego, excessive libido, and eagerness for the limelight have caused him to lose five wives, the most recent after only three hours of marriage when he was caught having sex with a catering server in the coat room at his own wedding reception. But as a name partner and the firm's resident rainmaker, Denny cannot be removed from the firm without great difficulty and economic risk (as he often points out, "My name's on the door").