Can the person that called the cops on this case, ask the DA for the charges to be dropped or does she have to go thru the judge that is on the case?

She cannot have contact with the Judge. That would be improper as there are certain rules about communications with judges. In this with the Defendant's criminal history, my opinion is that the DA will not drop the case. This opinion is based on my experience previoulsy working in that circuit with the DA in Blue Ridge. Your best option is to hire an attorney as soon as possible.

What if the defendant is willing to do marriage counceling and anger management. Should she contact the DA or is this unproper as well?

The priors that the defendant has is not FV but possession.